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¡¡¡¡"Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10."

¡¡¡¡"Qualifications: No education or experience."

¡¡¡¡"I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."

¡¡¡¡"My compensation should be at least equal to my age."

¡¡¡¡"Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC."

¡¡¡¡"Fired because I fought for lower pay."

¡¡¡¡"Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5"."

¡¡¡¡"Please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date."

¡¡¡¡"Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near."

¡¡¡¡"Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."

¡¡¡¡"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

¡¡¡¡"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

¡¡¡¡"I am a rabid typist."

¡¡¡¡"Work History: Performed brain wave tests,1879-1981."

¡¡¡¡"After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work."

¡¡¡¡"Accounting cleric."

¡¡¡¡"As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments."

¡¡¡¡"Suspected to graduate early next year."

¡¡¡¡"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

¡¡¡¡"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

¡¡¡¡"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

¡¡¡¡"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

¡¡¡¡"Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."

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